On genital piercings and assumptions

27 Feb

I probably look like I should teach kindergarten. I’m tall and blonde, and I dress pretty conservatively for work. I have very few visible piercings. I have 3 small tattoos that are hidden by nearly all types of clothing (bikinis aside), and my other piercings are mainly ear piercings. I rarely wear makeup. My personality is, upon first glance, very professional and my sense of humor is a bit dry. I’m sure that I can come off as prudish or stodgy, though neither of those things (I think) are true about me.

So, every time I go to the gynecologist I wonder what they’re thinking when they see my horizontal clitoral hood piercing. As doctors, I’m sure they’ve seen it all, and I’m sure a hood piercing is so blase that they almost barely deign to notice it. I do get nervous though, that they’ll be ultra-conservative and automatically assume that I’m a slut or something because of it.

Similarly, every time I get involved with a new sexual partner, I’m concerned that they’ll jump to conclusions about me. Some, thankfully, don’t. However, some do, immediately assuming that I’m into the kink, and attempt to proceed accordingly (to whatever kink THEY’RE into), typically, without asking consent first. These experiences always leave me quite shocked and dismayed.

What is it about a genital piercing that makes, in my case, straight men think that they can just go for it, whatever “it” is? The answer, sadly, are assumptions and a touch of misogyny. It’s been my experience that the more into porn these men are, the more likely they are to 1) get super psyched about my piercing (repeatedly commenting on it and/or discussing it later), and 2) make the assumption that they don’t need to ask about things like inserting a finger (or attempting a penis) into my anus, slapping/spanking, biting, hair pulling, and other more taboo sexual acts.

I’m very glad to have my piercing though, because it’s an easy gauge of whether a new partner might be worth considering making a habit of, or could be boyfriend material. The ones who ask me questions like “what’s the story behind the piercing?” are less likely to attempt non-consensual sex acts than the ones that are like “man, that piercing is so hot” and move immediately to sucking on it (again without asking if I’m down for oral). We all have our own standards that we judge each other by, and this is one that I’ve found to be pretty accurate and consistent.

So ladies, it didn’t hurt much at all and healed quickly, if you’re wondering. I love mine, for many reasons including the above. And straight males who may want to have sex with me, how about you stop assuming that a genital piercing is a free pass (not a question). Please ask first, and I guarantee you’ll be more likely to get the chance to see it again.


4 Responses to “On genital piercings and assumptions”

  1. Michelle February 27, 2012 at 8:56 pm #

    I’m not exactly sure what this has to do with abortion but okay, cool. I’ve been considering a genital piercing and eventually I’ll get it done. I just need to find a piercer I really trust.

  2. Oubli February 29, 2012 at 7:29 pm #

    LOL, the only assumption I’ve ever made about genital piercings is that they may be a bitch to get out when it comes to Labor and Delivery, it took a pair of pliers and 3 nurses to get my friend’s out when she went in to deliver her baby. I think that happened because genital swelling occurs in most pregnant women but she had extra swelling due to her borderline preclampsia.

    I would never get one but that’s because I have herpes and my nips won’t get pierced until I am done using my breasts for their intended purpose – breastfeeding.

    I do second the previous poster though, what does this have to do with abortion?

  3. Christie March 4, 2012 at 8:31 pm #

    It’s not directly about abortion, obviously, but it is about consent. When we discuss consent strictly in the context of abortion and abortion care (forced vaginal ultrasounds, for example), it ignores a host of other reproductive rights scenarios where consent should be important. It’s part of why we had all of those “it’s only rape, not RAPE-RAPE” conversations happening in Congress last year.

    Also, I think anything that has to do with sex or reproduction is valid for us to post on the blog, despite the name “The Abortion Gang.”

  4. Michelle March 20, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

    Oubli, “intended purpose”?

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